I’m going to apologize up front for the length of this post. It’s going to be a bit wordy, but I’ve got to handle some bid’ness this morning. It seems that not one, but two fellow bloggers were delusional enough to nominate me for awards. These women are fabulous, intelligent and funny. And possibly unstable. But I love them for it.

To get in the mood for these festivities, I’m going to put on my wedding dress. I didn’t have it cleaned before I jammed it into a Space bag ten years ago and I haven’t showered today, so I look and smell a little like Courtney Love. Fabulous!

Now let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we? There is a proper etiquette for accepting a nomination. First I need to tell you a bit about my nominators.

Lazyhippiemama nominated me for a Tell Me About Yourself Award.

Now given her blog title, you might expect to find a bunch of blog posts about how much she’d really like to eat a bag of Cheetos if only she could raise herself up off the couch, but that’s not the case. I’m not saying she doesn’t like Cheetos, because, well, who doesn’t like Cheetos? What I’m saying is that her blog is part inspirational peace/love, part environmental and part motherhood with a dash of theology and humor. I like it enough to subscribe to it. And I’m not alone. Check it out!

And Kathy over at Don’t Forget To Feed The Baby nominated me for the Sunshine Award.

Pretty, huh?

There are bloggers with whom you become friendly because you like what they have to say and you also like them. Kathy is one of those bloggers for me. I read her blog because I think she’s funny and I’ve interacted with her enough to add her to my list of bloggers I intend to stalk if I ever find myself in their neck of the woods. I mean stalk in a good way–not a boil your rabbit sort of way. I hope she doesn’t move away under the cover of night. Anyway, I wholeheartedly recommend checking out her blog.

Now I’m supposed to tell you seven things about myself.

1. I can read minds. But only in my car and only about driving related intentions. I can feel when someone next to me wants to change lanes or someone is going to sit through a light. I cannot however tell you what they ate for dinner or if they are cheating on their spouse. Unless they throw a cheap blond and a McDonald’s bag out the window.
2. I’m deeply offended by cheap Chinese food and bad pizza. I’d rather go hungry. I apologize for my snobbishness. It’s inexplicable given my humble, prepared-food beginnings.
3. I’m a very good parallel parker when no one else is in the car with me. It’s my secret. I think Hubs saw my superior skills once when I forgot he was in the car, but most of the time I lose my ability when another adult is present and do a serviceable impression of a ninety year old cataract patient. Then we have to take a shuttle to the curb.
4. I’m a terrible painter. My secret? Lack of patience and proper prep work.
5. My family is destroying the rain forest one roll of toilet paper at a time. Seriously, I’ve never met a group of people (who weren’t also drunk and in a nightclub) who use so much toilet paper. I think they shut the bathroom door and mummify themselves.
6. I laughed and groaned my way through Titanic but I bawled through The Time Traveler’s Wife (so hard, in fact, that Hubs thought I needed medical attention.) Romances are a mixed bag for me. It takes a subtle approach to get past my cynical humor. However, you kill off one animal in a movie and I will cry. Every. Single. Time.
7. I’ve always believed that I have super powers. When I was little I thought I could levitate and move objects with my mind. Now I think I can move like one of those kids on So You Think You Can Dance. None of these abilities have ever been proven. However my driving telepathy…now that sh!t is real. Don’t trip.

But wait, there’s more. I’ve got to answer these ten questions about myself.

The questions:

• What is your favorite bad habit? Smoking crack in a back alley. It’s old school.
• How old are you? That’s a carefully guarded secret. 43. Crap, I guess the guards were on break. Don’t tell anyone.
• What is your favorite time of day? I like the morning. I’m most organized, productive and loving in the morning… unless it’s one of those mornings after nobody slept very well, in which case cancel all of the above.
• What is your favorite time of year? Autumn–school clothes shopping, Halloween, Thanksgiving, comfort foods and pretty leaves.
• Who is your favorite dead celebrity? Charlie Sheen. Wait, he’s not dead? That’s amazing!
• What is your favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation is awesome but I always end up watching A Christmas Story while I’m wrapping presents.
• Who is your favorite philosopher? Again, Charlie Sheen…or the Dalai Lama. They both have a lot of interesting things to say.
• What was your favorite vacation? College. 
• What is your favorite physical activity? It’s a tie between eating and…well the other one always gets me pregnant, so I’m going to go with eating.
• What is your favorite thing? Probably something having to do with my kids, because they’re awesome and they were ripped from my womb. Eating and laughing with good friends is also pretty good.
  

Now I need to pay this kindness forward. If you’re looking for some enjoyable blogs to read try these:

White Elephant In The Room

Fish Out Of Water

Shut Up Dad

Theadventuresoftransman

BirdMartin